A MESSAGE TO ALL WOMEN: WHY COMPARISON IS KILLING YOUR FRIENDSHIPS
The fastest way to kill something special is to compare it to something else. Why? Because God created each of us with a one-of-a-kind blueprint to thrive in His unique purpose. The original design is a world full of variety; a kaleidoscope of colors, shapes, and sizes. Just as my DNA is embedded with a very specific order of nucleotides containing the personality, skills, and likes/dislikes that make up who I am, so are you born with a framework unlike any other.
The issue with comparison is that it teaches us to shrink away from celebrating diversity, instead pitting us against one another and ultimately the illusive standard of perfection. This is all the more true in today's #filtered society; we live in an Instagram and Snapchat world with countless filters at our fingertips. These days even the most high tech versions of photoshop are available at the click of a button, making it altogether easy to nip and tuck every pic taken before posting a faux-version of ourselves to the world.
Before I move on, let's define what this illusive standard looks like. Take the "perfect" woman, for example. Historically, we would oohh and ahhh at the flawless celebrities on our movie and television screens. Today, we need not go further than our social media accounts to fall into the trap of comparison 24 hours, 7 days a week. We scroll endlessly down a string of impeccably curated pictures of that babe on the beach sans cellulite, a sculpted gal in a sports bra nibbling on an açai bowl, and don't forget that kissing couple with the wind blowing her hair just right and yup, you guessed it... they are underneath the freaking Eiffel Tower.
Let's be honest here. I will be the first to admit that I have fallen into this comparison trap many a time, choosing to self loathe in my sweatpants with a gallon of ice cream (after a break up if we wanna get specific) while living vicariously through @ohhcouture at Coachella. #GOALS, am I right?! But is it really? The goal I mean? Is the climax of our existence to be confined to a tiny square photograph? Is #living actually living when we spend more time editing on our phones at the beach while missing the actual sunset?
We have to WAKE UP, LADIES. Seriously. Put down your phone for a sec (unless you are reading this blogpost then maybe finish it first!) and level with me. Because this endless rabbit hole of chasing perfection to keep up with the Jones's is not only exhausting the self-love right out of you, it is also killing your friendships. When you train your mind to constantly measure your worth against women on social media, that toxic mindset seamlessly translates into the reality of the relationships you make day to day.
How many times have you recalled walking into a party and feeling the urge to immediately size yourself up against the other women in the room? (Crazy fact: The psychological reason women wear painful heels is to literally stand above the others in a crowd. Bonus crazy fact: Generally, women dress up to impress each other. Men are just a casualty.) I KNOW a sister is reading this right now and nodding her head YES profusely!
Listen to me: This jungle cat, girl-eat-girl behaviour HAS. GOT. TO. STOP.
Let me break down the process of comparison for you. When you match yourself up against another girl you are already setting yourself up to fail because God has purposely handcrafted each of you in a distinct and extraordinary way. And when you fail to see this precious truth you begin to self-doubt which turns to self-loathing which ultimately turns to self-hate. And the tragedy of hate is then the inability to spread love to those around you. Because you CANNOT be a light in darkness if your candle is snuffed out.
Comparison is a cruel trick that says putting down another will somehow elevate you when in reality, all it does is leave you with a bitter seed of resentment in your heart.
What is the remedy for comparison? I believe the antidote is a revelation of your own worth. I am going to tell you something vital to reclaiming your joy. Are you ready? Okay here it is:
YOU ARE ENOUGH.
From the day you were born God looked at you and called you the apple of His eye, not because you earned anything of merit, but rather because you are fashioned by the very form of Love itself. You are a chosen woman, a royal priesthood, from a holy lineage, a special work of art. You are called out of the darkness of anxiety, fear, and insecurity and into the marvellous light that declares that you have always been and will always be undeniably and forever ENOUGH.
Filled with enough empathy to be a comfort for those who mourn.
Filled with enough joy to bring uncontrollable laughter to those who haven't smiled in too long.
Filled with enough beauty to inspire radiance out of a self-conscious friend.
Filled with enough love to shatter hate in a broken world.
Beloved, it is not only your privilege; it is your divine RIGHT to reclaim a revelation of your worth not tomorrow but TODAY. To free yourself from the chains of perfection and begin a humble celebration over yourself that lasts a lifetime. Only when you are empowered in your worth can you then encourage others to do the same. And girlfriend, there is no force equal to a group of women determined to rise together. Can I get an AMEN?!
** Shoutout to the real-life WonderWomen pictured above. You are the light for generations to come. **
@karabianca // @kaitness // @asisalmonte // @onyiiandco // @lydahamphotography// @bossagurl // @debrarapoport // @capturedbymgl // @ellapangilinanx // @strutwithsusan // @thepeachcobbler // @clairecannon