HOW WORK ALMOST KILLED ME
Work and Rest.
Rest and Work.
Rinse, and Repeat.
I said, “Oh, that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. (Psalm 55:6)
It's been seven months since I said goodbye to corporate fashion to venture into the world of entrepreneurship. One of the reasons I left my 9-5 career was the conviction to no longer be enslaved to a traditional form of churning away day after day only to leave me worn down and stripped of joy. And yet, months after reporting to no one other than myself, to my horror I found my own standards to be the most crippling of all. I realized that it is actually far easier to run a ship when you are not the Captain. The stakes are much higher when the consequence of a drowning ship is your going down with it.
And so work no longer was about stewarding God's gifts in a way that exalted His Great Excellence in my industry. Rather, it slowly morphed into a never-ending quandary of chaos with one goal: survival. I was determined as ever to justify my existence as a business owner, fashion blogger, and career enthusiast.
Analyze social media insights. Solidify new brand relationships. Maintain longevity for current partnerships. Mentor and guide assistants. Procure summer speaking engagements. And oh my goodness, is it already time to write another blog post? Bullet point after bullet point, wave after wave; my ship never found a steady position for me to step back and breathe.
Days of this turned into months and thus began a love-hate relationship with my blog. It seemed that the more successful I was becoming, the inevitable increasing workload sucked all the passion that used to freely run through my veins. My mind was perplexed and my heart was torn as I found myself plopped down on the floor surrounded by more brand collaborations that I could have ever dreamed for.
I had far exceeded my 7 month milestone and yet, my heart was a jumbled mess of emotions running on countless cups of coffee and never enough sleep. And it dawned on me. Have I become too tired to celebrate God's goodness in my career? As the tears of epiphany hit the floor, my hands reached the ceiling and I imagined breaking the roof to reach the sky. Between exhausted gasps I whispered a desperate prayer to my Father; not for more growth or success but for something seemingly simple yet most overrated: REST.
I then remembered how the angel of The Lord ministered to Elijah in his moment of desperation not with a to-do list of demands but rather a good meal and sleep. And so at 4 o'clock in the morning I prioritized the most pressing task that had been long overdue. I snuggled into my bed as The Lord's protection lulled me into the deepest most gratifying sleep.
Hours later I woke up rejuvenated and electrified with a brand new mindset. As I rolled over the sun bathed my face as I watched its rays dance around my room. In light of my newfound refreshment, the dozens of boxes surrounding me were no longer a burden but rather a blessing. The checklist left on my desk still had the same amount of squares to be checked off yet they were no longer strenuous tasks but rather God gifted opportunities. My workload hadn't changed and yet it seemed that rest had cleared my tired vision towards a shifted perspective.
Do you ever find yourself endlessly scrambling in a world with all work and no rest? I urge you to stop and drop absolutely everything to hear me when I say that you have been crafted with a powerful mind intended for a healthy balance of work AND rest. Would you join me in asking God this very moment to teach you to trust Him with your workload? That together, you would lay down the burden of worry in exchange for everlasting peace?
This is my prayer not just for me but also for you. That in the shadows of rest you would view life in the longterm decades of glory you were destined for. In this revelation I pray that you would find the freedom to take each day, minute, and second one step at a time; offering both the chaos and quiet to The Lord. He alone is not only willing and able, but deeply longs to satisfy your soul. You are a wondrous being created in the image of an Almighty God who knew the precious need for rest to the point of leading by example when He Himself rested on the seventh day of Creation. God desires that we would follow and know the pleasures of the dynamic fullness of life within His perfect plan and blueprint.
A rudder of a ship is defined as a flat piece, usually of wood, metal, or plastic, hinged vertically near the stern of a boat or ship for steering. While often overlooked, this seemingly small but crucial directional device guides an entire vessel. By God's grace I have found ultimate rest in the rudder of His small, still voice ever leading me through even the fiercest waves of work.
He is my rest.
Xoxo, Diwa Doll
Featuring Sachin & Babi
Photography: Brian Green Photography